


Bringing the moon and stars to me

by ohemgeeitscoley



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-02-24 01:54:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23868469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohemgeeitscoley/pseuds/ohemgeeitscoley
Summary: "Do you want the room or not?" Ben asks, pushing his hands in the pockets of his sweater. It's so jarring to her. Every story she has ever heard that involved Ben centered around his confidence, his anger, the way he could just command a room.None of it matched with the image in front of her."Yeah," she finally responds. "Yeah. I do."--In which Ben learns Rey's nightmares, her favorite tea, and how to sneak into her heart
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 32
Kudos: 267
Collections: REYLO WEEK 2020





	Bringing the moon and stars to me

**Author's Note:**

> Biggest shout out to always_a_queen for all of her help on this. From reading this when it was an out of order mess, for all of the reassuring beta work, and you know, for shipping this with me and sending me fanart and videos when I'm having a bad day at work. I might have been able to find the courage to write and post something on my own, but it was a million times more fun with you holding my hand along the way. You're the best kind of friend.
> 
> This was written for Day One of Reylo Week 2020 Favourite Song Lyric or Quote. This work is heavily influenced by "For Island Fires and Family" by Dermot Kennedy. I'd highly recommend listening to it.

* * *

_But she’s bringing the moon and stars to me_

_Damn permanent reverie_

***

“What do you mean Ben Solo says he has a room I can rent?” Rey asks Poe. “This is the same Ben Solo that seems to personally enjoy making your life a living hell?”

“He’s a defense attorney. I’m a prosecutor. That’s literally his job,” Poe explains, shrugging. “He’s just… annoyingly good at his job.”

“Thanks Poe. I really needed that brilliant explanation as to how the adversarial American legal system works.” 

“I’m just saying,” Poe wraps a glass in a piece of newspaper before placing it in the box next to him. “He’s also one of my oldest friends and despite… well, anything you’ve probably heard about him, I know he’s a good guy.”

"And he just happens to have a room available to rent out to a grad student who can barely afford ramen?"

Poe's smile is more like a grimace as he raises his hand to awkwardly scratch at his neck. "That's what he tells me."

Rey grabs a stack of plates from the cupboard, setting them down on the counter to start wrapping. "I still don't know why you would ask him. We barely know each other."

"I was with him when you texted me," Poe holds his hand out for Rey to pass him a plate. "And he offered. 

"Why would he do that?" Rey asks, crossing her arms across her chest. "He doesn't even know me."

"Like I said," Poe shrugs, taping the box closed. "He's a good guy."

***

"That can hardly be considered fair rent for living here, Ben," Rey argues, her eyes wandering around the apartment. It is in a much better location and is at least three times the size of her last apartment. 

It also isn't in a building that is being condemned. 

Ben blushes, looking away from Rey. "It's the friend of a friend discount."

Rey snorts. “I would think the friend of a friend discount would be letting a complete stranger move in with you on, like, twelve hours’ notice. Not offering a bedroom and free reign of the rest of your apartment for less than what I was paying for an apartment that is being condemned.”

“I really don’t need the money,” Ben says shyly. 

“They pay you pretty well to make sure the bad guys remain on the street?” Rey asks. She regrets it as soon as she sees Ben tense, the bashful look gone from his face.

"Ben, I didn't… I'm sorry," Rey sighs, glancing at the floor. She counts to three in her head before looking back up at Ben. She ignores the way it almost hurts her to notice that he's stepped back away from her. "I didn't mean it like that. It's your job. And I'm sure not all of your clients are actually guilty. But even if they are you're still just doing your job."

Ben doesn't say anything. Rey is working her way through her mental list of friends that she could call for a place to crash at least for the night. Certainly Poe and Finn wouldn't mind her staying just one night. And even if they did, it was Poe who thought that her staying with Ben would work out and clearly it wasn't going to work. 

She reaches in her purse to grab her phone so she can start looking for hotels. She tries not to think about how she decidedly cannot afford to stay in a hotel for any length of time. 

"Do you want the room or not?" Ben asks, pushing his hands in the pockets of his sweater. It's so jarring to her. Every story she has ever heard that involved Ben centered around his confidence, his anger, the way he could just command a room.

None of it matched with the image in front of her.

"Yeah," she finally responds. "Yeah. I do."

***

Rey has nightmares. 

Ben doesn't mention them and he doesn't ask questions. But he does make sure to brew the coffee extra strong the next morning and to hand her a cup first thing when she walks into the kitchen. He doesn't know her yet, but he knows enough to know that Rey isn't comfortable talking about herself or her past. 

And he knows enough about nightmares to know that they are rooted in the past.

So he stays away. He wakes up when he hears her rustling around the kitchen, hears the soft whistle of the kettle when she makes tea. 

But he stays away. 

Rey doesn't mention anything to him and he knows that she would if it was something she wanted to talk about.

The more he gets to know her, the harder it is to stay away. She opens up to him slowly, small glimpses into her past when she talks to him about her day while he makes dinner after work or when they are walking around the farmer's market on the weekends planning meals for the week.

He wants to know everything about her. He enjoys being someone that she's comfortable with to talk to about her days, her dreams, and her past.

But he doesn't want to push her. He doesn't want to be too much. 

He's always been too much. 

He's never had a roommate before and he isn't quite sure where the appropriate boundary line lies for these kinds of situations. 

He's scared of pushing too hard and crossing it.

It's just past three am when he hears her whimpering in bed. He stays quiet in his room, rolling over in bed to his side. He listens as she walks out of her room and he hears her sob, and he can't stay away. 

She isn't alone, she doesn't have to be alone, and he needs her to know that. 

He holds her and she cries against his chest. All he wants to do is comfort her, to bring her peace the way she does for him without even trying.

So he takes her to the roof and opens himself up to her.

***

Rey curls her feet under herself as she settles into the couch. Ben moves around the kitchen, pulling a mug from one cupboard and honey from another. Her eyes follow him, taking in all of his small movements, the way he squints his eyes in concentration to make sure he is squeezing just the right amount of honey into the bottom of her cup before adding hot water and tea. She still doesn’t quite understand exactly how she got so lucky to fall into being his roommate, let alone someone he cares about.

There was a time when Rey’s only knowledge of Ben had been what she had heard from other people, stories of a rather closed off defense lawyer, all tall, dark and brooding. Full of anger. Rumors that Rey knew were based in truth, but did nothing to actually describe who Ben was underneath the facade that Snoke had helped create. If Poe hadn't offered Ben and Ben’s apartment as a lifeboat when Rey needed a place to stay, Rey never would have known anything different.

Ben had only been a part of her life for six months, but the thought of not knowing him hurts her. The idea that she could have gone about her life without knowing the depths in which he could care, the almost constant actions he took to ensure that the people he cared about knew they were cared for threatens to overwhelm her. Rey spent her entire childhood bounced from one bad foster home to the next. Believing that people cared about her isn't natural, but she believes Ben.

Ben who knows what kind of tea she likes to drink after a long day and knows how much honey she adds. Ben who teased her for her odd precision the first time he watched her make tea after she moved in, but remembers it all the same.

Ben who now makes the drink perfectly for her, because he notices without her saying a single word that she's had a bad day. His reaction is to make her feel better, even when Rey knows that Ben's day has been worse.

He first takes care of her.

“Tell me about your day?" Ben asks, stirring the tea a few times before he walks out of the kitchen and holds the cup out for her to take.

“Or," Rey begins, taking the cup from him, "you could tell me about your day instead." 

Ben stares at her, eyes narrow as he sits next to her. 

"Don't look at me like that." Rey blows on her drink and presses her feet against his legs. "You made me tea for my day, which has already made it infinitely better. You can tell me about your bad day first."

"And what makes you think I had a bad day?" 

It's the way he says it that sets her off. The self-deprecating tone of his voice, the attempt to hide from talking to her by pretending that everything is okay.

As if she can't read him as easily as he reads her. As if she didn't hear the clipped way he ended their call when she called asking if he needed anything when she stopped at the market. Like she didn't notice the lack of grammar and unusually high amount of typos in his messages to her at the end of the day. 

Or the way he moved around the kitchen making her tea. His shoulders tense and his thoughts loud. The way he kept brushing his fingers across her ankle as they talked. 

How when she walked into the apartment he looked at her like she was something he wasn't sure he deserves. And how he only looks at her like that when he is convinced that there are two versions of him: the monster he is at work and the person he is with her at home. When he starts to believe that maybe he's nothing more than a monster and she just hasn't noticed. 

Or that she hasn't had an opportunity to leave him for it yet. 

She doesn't tell him any of that though.

"I know you," she summarizes. "Tell me about your day."

"You don't need to hear about the things I do at work." Ben's laugh is hollow. "Some days you're the only person who looks at me like I could be something more than I am."

"I hate when you do that," Rey admits, shaking her head. "When you act like what you do at work makes you a bad person."

"I am a bad person." It's an absolute truth when Ben says it and the clear intensity in which Ben believes it breaks her heart. 

"The things I do, Rey," Ben shakes his head, his sentence trailing off. “It’s not something that’s up for debate.”

“You’re not a bad person, Ben Solo,” Rey whispers, glancing down at her tea for a moment before back up at Ben. “I hate watching him try to convince you that you are one.”

"Rey," Ben sighs, "It isn't that easy."

"But it is Ben," Rey says, her voice soft. She knows that she can't push, that every time she tries to push him on this he snaps and shuts down and that she hasn't and won't get anywhere that way. And she knows that she has to get somewhere. She refuses to even think about what will happen if she can't. "It is that easy."

***

Ben knows that something is wrong as soon as he walks into the apartment. For starters, the apartment is almost completely silent. He can hear Rey’s footsteps, but there is no background noise.

Rey hates silence. 

Usually when he gets home he can hear whatever movie or show Rey is playing in the background, or, if she’s studying, he can hear music coming from her bedroom. Or, he’ll hear Rey mummering to herself as she reads through her notes or textbooks, or she’ll be humming under her breath.

But he’s taken off his jacket, and hung it on the coat rack by the door, and he’s toed off his shoes and slid them next to where Rey’s are and all he has heard are Rey’s footsteps.

The second sign: Rey is pacing.

Ben has only ever heard Rey pace after a particularly bad nightmare. It’s barely 6:30 and Rey is pacing in silence. She hasn’t shouted at him asking how his day was or what he’s making for dinner.

For the first time in six months, Ben is apprehensive about what he is going to walk into when he finds Rey.

“Hey,” Ben says as he walks into the living room, a tight smile on his face. 

Rey stops pacing in front of the TV, which is on a news channel, but the volume is muted. Ben doesn’t need to hear the words to know that the coverage is focused on the trial he won earlier in the day.

The case itself was a high-profile case. It’s the reason the results of the trial are being aired on the news. It doesn’t take a lot to sensationalize a brutal murder and sexual assault. Hux had originally been the attorney Snoke had assigned to handle the case. It was reassigned to Ben after a case review when Ben pointed out the inconsistencies in the interviews Hux had conducted with the detectives about when, or even whether, the arresting officers had read the client his Miranda rights. 

Ben hadn’t wanted the case. Ben usually was assigned the more white collar crimes, embezzlement, fraud. Occasionally, Ben would get assigned the larger drug trafficking or prostiution rings. But the homicide and violent offenses were hard for Ben to stomach.

But at the end of the day, Ben doesn’t choose his clients. He represents who he is told to represent. 

And in this case, Hux overlooking the inconsistencies in the interviews had just been the start to the amount of holes and deficiencies in the prosecutor’s case.

“How do you do it?” Rey asks, her voice almost cracks and Ben knows that this isn’t a conversation he wants to have with her. “How do you represent people like him?” She points back toward the television. “He murdered that girl, Ben. He tortured her for days, he raped her, and then he murdered her. And he just, he gets to go home?”

“Rey.” Ben leans against the wall behind him, folding his arms over his chest. “You say that he did those things, but 12 of his peers returned a not guilty verdict.”

“Because you convinced them to,” Rey shouts, throwing one hand up in the air. “Your job was to convince them that he was innocent and you did it. And I just, Ben, I don’t understand how you can do it.”

“It’s my job,” Ben shrugs. “He is innocent until proven guilty. And there were procedurally a lot of issues. It’s not my fault that the investigation that led to his arrest was flawed.”

“Is that how you justify it?” Rey asks, shaking her head as she steps toward him. “The investigation was flawed? Some human made a mistake while investigating a horrific crime scene and somehow that’s justification to allow a murderer back into society? Is that what makes it okay Ben?”

“Yes,” Ben argues, watching as Rey moves around in front of him. “I did my job. Maybe next time the police and the state will do theirs better.”

“You mean the next time this guy decides to take another girl and kill her?” Rey glares at him and Ben knows that he should walk away now before the conversation goes any further. He’s angry, and she’s angry, and nothing good is going to come from this conversation. “How is that blood not on your hands too?”

“That’s not how it works,” Ben yells. His voice is too loud, too demanding. He flinches when he sees Rey flinch and pull herself back from him. 

In that moment Ben knows that he is everything everyone says: too loud, too tall, too stubborn, too proud. He’s everything everyone says he is. 

He’s never hated it more. 

“That’s just not how it works. I am not out committing crimes or, God, Rey I’m not murdering people,” Ben says, his voice lower and more controlled. “I don’t disagree that the system we have is flawed. But my job is to advocate for my client and to protect the constitutional rights he is afforded. That’s the society we live in, one that believes that it is better for ten guilty men to be free than for one innocent man to be jailed.”

“That’s not how it works,” Rey throws his words back at him with venom. “And you know it Ben. You take advantage of a broken system.”

“I do the best job that I can for those that I represent.”

“You represent monsters.”

“And does that make me one, Rey?” Ben asks quietly, his fingers pressing at her chin to stop her from looking away. “Do you think I am a monster now? Just because of what I do?”

“I don’t know,” Rey responds and Ben drops his hand, taking a step back. “I don’t know what that makes you.”

Ben takes a deep breath, running his hand through his hair. 

“I have to go,” he says after a moment, taking another step back from her before turning around to walk toward the entryway.

He hesitates at the door, his hand resting on the doorknob. And he waits for her to call to him. For her to follow him and to keep the conversation going. He’s almost certain that she will, that she won’t let him leave thinking that she believes him to be a monster.

Only she doesn’t. 

Ben’s standing in the entryway in silence again, and when he opens the door to walk away, he’s pretty sure a part of his heart breaks.

***

"I thought I would find you here."

Rey refuses to turn her head to look at him. Instead she focuses on the moon shining bright in the sky, on the feeling of the hard cement under her fingers.

She tries not to think about how Ben knew where to find her because he was the one to show her how easy it was to pick the lock to the roof. She tries not to focus on how it made her feel to be a part of something secret with him. 

It’s too much. 

The constant reminder that the Ben she knows, the one that she knows she is starting to fall for, is the same Ben that passionately advocates on behalf of deplorable people who commit horrific actions.

She can practically hear Poe telling her that it’s his job. And she knows that people aren’t defined by what they do for a living. She's told Ben countless times that his job didn't define who he was as a person, and she never thought that she could be someone who would hold someone’s job against them as a fault. But she can’t quite wrap her head around how Ben, her Ben, can be someone fighting for the wrong side.

How is it possible that the same person who knows without her saying anything that she's had a bad day and makes her favorite tea and sits with her in silence until she chooses to open up be the same person who represents murderers? And does it well enough that they walk away free of a guilty verdict to go back to society to commit the same crimes. It doesn't make sense to her.

She isn't sure she wants it to make sense. It shouldn't make sense.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," Ben says and Rey finally looks back at him, taking a deep breath as she takes in his appearance.

He looks like a wreck.

She hates it. Hates that their fight is clearly affecting him. She hates that they are fighting at all. 

She looks away, pulling her knees up closer to her chest, and says nothing.

It's a beautiful night. 

The sky is clear of clouds and the moon is bright. There's too much light pollution for her to really make out too many of the stars, but she can imagine them and it's comforting in a way. 

The first time Ben showed her how to get to the roof had been after a particularly bad nightmare two months after she had moved in. She had thought that she was doing a better job at hiding them, but Ben proved that he noticed her more than she thought. 

He walked out of his room while she was making tea and hugged her. He just held her until the kettle started whistling. 

He didn't say anything about the tears on her face when he pulled away, just finished making her tea and asked if he could show her something and took her to the roof.

He stayed up with her, sitting on the cold cement without any complaints, talking to her about the stars and the stories behind the constellations. He talked to her about his childhood and his own nightmares.

“You left,” Rey notes, breaking the silence. She doesn't say how that hurt her. She knows that she doesn't have to. It's almost painful how well Ben knows and understands her.

“I came back,” Ben points out, sitting down next to Rey. “That counts for something, right?”

Rey nods, because it does matter. 

Ben doesn't say anything, just sits next to her in silence and looks up at the sky. 

"You aren't a monster," Rey says after a moment. "I shouldn't have… I shouldn't have even insinuated that you are. I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologize," Ben reaches for her hand, intertwining his fingers with her. "I understand. There is truth to what you said. The work I do sometimes has consequences. And the clients we get at First Order… you aren't wrong about the kind of people I represent."

"Why do you do it?" She asks, turning her head to the side to look at him. "Is this really why you went to law school?"

"No, I went to law school because I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. But I had to do something. Crim law was interesting and it was kind of romanticized, protecting people from the over zealous reach of police and the state, all humans that can be wrong and corrupt. And being recruited by Snoke was prestigious and I liked that." Ben sighs, "Plus it pissed my mom off, which was a pretty big deal to me when I was 25."

Rey rolls her eyes, slowly shaking her head. “'I guess I get how you ended up here. I just don't understand why you stay or even how you can stay. You hate your job, Ben. I know you do."

"I do," Ben admits, looking away from Rey. "But it's all that I know. And I'm good at it. What if it is all that I'm good at? What if I leave and I fail? What if I am only good at defending criminals?"

"That's Snoke," Rey interrupts him. She moves until she's kneeling in front of Ben. She cups his face with her hands, her thumb caressing his jaw, and she waits for him to look at her. "You are so good, Ben. You would be great anywhere."

"You don't know that."

"I do. You're smart, and you listen. You could never be anything less than successful. I absolutely believe that."

"Why?"

"Because I know you. And you, Ben Solo, are a good person."

Ben stares at her, resting his hands on her knees, and his expression is so open and vulnerable. His eyes full of wonder and hope. He looks at her like she's something that he cherishes. 

Rey leans forward and presses her lips to his. The kiss is chaste at first, then Ben pulls her into his lap, deepening the kiss as he wraps one arm around her waist, the other in her hair. 

Rey pulls away first and Ben grins, his sharp and crooked teeth on full display, and he has never looked more gorgeous.

She has no idea where they go from there.

***

Ben still can't believe that Rey agreed to come with him. 

She had been apprehensive about going with him to the Christmas party. But she's here, talking with one of the firm's new associates, champagne glass in her hand. She stands tall with a confidence that Ben knows is all her own. The red dress she spent hours picking out sparkles under the light.

She looks like she belongs. 

Rey smiles when she notices him. It's small and private, really it's barely noticeable. But Ben notices and for a moment the room seems brighter. Her smile brightens as he walks toward her and his breath catches in his throat. He has no idea what he has done to deserve for Rey to look at him the way that she does. Let alone for her to smile at him alone.

“Where have you been?” She questions, raising her glass to her lips to finish off her drink. “You spent weeks convincing me to come with you tonight and then you leave me alone with the wolves minutes after we get here.”

“I don’t know that all of my coworkers are wolves,” Ben jokes, trying to get away with not answering Rey’s question.

Rey notices. He knows that she does.

“Wolves. Lawyers. Same thing right?” Rey sets her glass down on the table behind her. “Dance with me?”

Rey knows that Ben doesn’t dance.

But Rey asks, and Ben finds that when it's Rey asking, he isn't very good at saying no. 

And so they dance. 

Ben places one hand across her back, grinning at her as she mumbles something about his height. She's teasing and he knows it because no one has ever quite fit into his arms so easily before. 

Ben's not a terrible dancer. Dancing isn't his favorite thing and he doesn't particularly enjoy the attention that actually dancing brings on, but he can dance. He knows all of the steps and movements for the basic dances. It had been important to his mother, making sure that he knew what to do at all of the different events she needed for him to attend. 

If Rey asked, Ben is confident that he would be able to lead in whatever dance she requested. But she seems happy to just sway with him, her cheek pressing against his chest. 

"You were gone for awhile." Rey's voice is soft, Ben almost doesn't hear her over the music. "Where did you go?"

"I left my two weeks' notice on Snoke's desk," Ben responds just as quietly, pressing his hand against her back, holding her to him. 

He doesn't need to see her face to know she is proud of him. 

It's clear in the way she says his name anyway.

"We might actually want to get out of here before he finds it," Ben laughs, enjoying how easy it is to smile with Rey in his arms and the weight of his job off his conscience. "I know you were looking forward to dinner, so we can stay, but--"

"I don't care about the food," Rey interrupts, matching his smile with one of her own. "Let's go home. Maybe I'll even make you dinner."

"I just quit my job Rey, I don't have a death wish."

Rey swats at his shoulder, her eyes narrowing as she glares at him. Ben's smile grows.

***

"Mmmm, no, stop" Rey says, trying to yawn away the sleep in her face while grabbing the books back from Ben's hands. She sets them back down on her desk, rapidly blinking her eyes as she tries to take in her surroundings. 

"I wasn't asleep," she lies, glancing up at Ben, trying to ignore the concerned look on his face. "I couldn't have been. Because my final is in three days and I am not ready and I need to keep studying and--

"And you need to sleep," Ben interrupts her, placing his hand on her shoulder. Rey tries to resist the temptation to tilt her head toward him, but his hand is so warm and there and-- "You've barely slept all week. You're going to do great. But only if you sleep."

"What if I don't?" She whispers, looking back at the desk and the stack of notes and highlighted sections of books she still hasn't gotten too. "What if I fail? And I don't graduate? And I never become a social worker? Then what?"

"Then you'll figure something else out," Ben says like it's the most obvious answer in the world. "And you'll be great at it too."

"And if I'm not?"

"I'll still be here to support you, to take care of you."

Rey's heart races at the promising look he gives her. 

"It's not your job to take care of me."

"It could be," Ben smiles at her, running his thumb along the side of her face. "It's not like I've got another one at the moment."

***

Rey stretches her legs out in front of her, pointing her toes toward the television. The documentary that Ben is watching is playing and even though Rey has been there the entire time it has been on, she really has no idea what the documentary is playing. 

Ben is sitting on the couch behind her, running his hands through her hair. It's nice, the way he massages her scalp with his fingers. Rey hums her contentment, pushing her head back further into Ben's hand.

"You're squirmy," Ben points out as he tugs on a piece of her hair.

Rey grins when Ben separates the piece of hair in his hand and starts braiding. "Is that a problem?"

"Only if you want me to finish braiding your hair. It's hard to do right with all the moving."

"You'll figure it out." Rey leans her head back flat against the couch, her smile growing as she watches Ben huff. He takes apart the braid he had started. 

"Brat," he says under his breath, his fingers combing through her hair again, pulling the strands stuck underneath her head out, so that he can start another braid. "Give me the hair ties on your wrist?"

Rey pulls the hair ties off of her wrist and hands them to him. Then she closes her eyes, enjoying the feeling of Ben's hands in her hair, the comfort of having him so close to her. She wishes all of her days could be spent like this. 

"Your hands are magic," Rey says after Ben finishes the first braid, right when he's starting on the second.

His hands freeze. Rey smirks, but keeps her eyes closed. She doesn't need to open them to know the expression on Ben's face, or to know how his eyes would be darker than they had been before.

Rey has been more and more blatant with her flirting with Ben since she kissed him, waiting for Ben to kiss her again, or make a move, or, really, to do anything. 

Ben resumes the second braid, carefully pulling strands of Rey's hair apart and weaving it through the other strands.

Rey knows that she could have brought the kiss up, but she hadn't. She mistakenly assumed Ben would bring it up and that things would progress from there.

Only he didn't and Rey had felt too awkward to bring up the kiss or her feelings for him.

Which she also knows is stupid because it's Saturday afternoon and she is sitting on their living room floor pretending to be interested in some documentary she couldn't care less about just because he asked her to watch it with him. And his hands are in her hair and all Rey can think about is how nice it feels and how badly she wants to kiss him again. 

Ben finishes the second braid and Rey immediately misses the feeling of his hands in her hair. She regrets not moving more and making Ben start over again and again. 

She sits up straighter, pressing her back against the couch. 

She tries focusing on the documentary, which really should be over but is somehow still going on, but her thoughts keep drifting back to Ben, and the kiss, and her hands.

And, God, how she really wants to find out just how magical those hands could be if he would just touch her the way she wants him to. 

Rey pulls her legs up, twisting around until she's resting on her knees and facing Ben. She's mostly eye level with him with the way he's lying on the couch. 

"Do you like me?" Rey blurts out. She grimaced at the awkward silence that follows, crinkling her nose as she imagines all of the ways she could have approached that better. "I just, I'm sorry, that's not quite how I wanted…"

Rey groans, closing her eyes. She presses her hands into the couch and stands up, moving away from Ben. If she wasn't so focused on being mortified by the situation she put herself in, she probably would have found the speed and awkwardness of the way he got off the couch and followed her amusing.

"Do you like me," Rey repeats in horror, shaking her head. "I sound like a teenager getting ready to ask the pretty boy in school if he wants to go to steady."

"You think I'm pretty?" Ben asks, placing his hands on her waist. He's smiling at her, and it's that same stupid smile he gave her after she kissed him, and Rey would give anything for that smile to stay on his face forever. 

"Yes," Rey answers honestly. "I think you're very pretty."

Ben laughs. "So, is this the part where you ask me if I want to go steady?"

"Maybe." Rey teases, rolling her eyes, while Ben pulls her closer. She places one of her hands on his chest, smiling as she feels how fast his heart is beating. "I guess that depends on what your answer would be."

"I think that you'll find when it comes to you, Rey, my answer is always going to be yes."

***

“I love you,” Rey says without much thought one morning while Ben is placing pancakes on two plates next to the stove. She knows exactly which plate is hers, because the stack of pancakes is at least twice the size of the other. 

She isn’t surprised with the way she just blurts out the words without any context or pretense. Honestly, she’s surprised that she’s managed to keep from saying them so many times before. Because she loves him with such an intensity that she feels like she could burst at any moment.

He freezes for just a moment, before he resumes making them breakfast, pouring more pancake mix onto the griddle. 

“Ben?” She asks, tilting her head to the side. 

“I love you,” she says again.

“Okay,” he responds, carefully flipping the pancakes.

“Okay?” She asks, huffing as she looks at him. “That’s all you have to say?”

Ben doesn't say anything and he doesn't turn around. He stays completely silent as the pancakes finish cooking. He slides them onto his plate before reaching across the counter and grabbing two bananas. 

"Ben," Rey huffs, unsure if she's upset that he isn't responding to her telling him that she loves him or if she's upset because he's ignoring her. She's pretty sure it's a good combination of both. "Is that really all you have to say?"

Ben turns the griddle off, unplugging the cord from the wall. He picks up the plates and walks over to the dining room table where she is sitting. He sits across from her and slides her plate across the table. 

"Is that…" Rey pauses, biting down on her bottom lip as she looks at him. 

She knows that Ben loves her. She honestly knows that to be a fact. And even if she didn't know that, she knew in her bones that Ben would never purposefully hurt her.

So she really couldn't figure out why Ben's only response to her had been 'okay' and complete silence.

"Is that really all you have to say?" Rey finally finishes, dropping her eyes down to her plate.

"You love me," Ben says and Rey looks at him just in time to see him slightly shrug his shoulders. "Okay."

"Ben--"

"Rey. You love everyone that brings you food. So, yeah. Okay."

Rey laughs. She doesn't mean to laugh because this is absolutely the wrong time to laugh. But Ben thinks that she blurts out 'I love you' to anyone bringing her food and not because she's in love with him. 

"You think I said that I love you because you brought me food?"

"Sure. Why else would you say it?"

Rey almost misses it, the way Ben's lips twist up for just a second in a smirk. 

He is messing with her.

She tells him she loves him for the first time and he is fucking with her.

"I sort of hate you." Rey breaks off a piece of her banana and pops it in her mouth. "Just so you know."

"I sort of love you too," Ben grins. "Just so you know."

***

Rey giggles, honestly giggles, when Ben slips out of her again. 

She's already bent in an awkward angle, her hands keep slipping against the tile of the shower and she can't quite hold herself the way she needs to for Ben to stay inside of her.

Not that it has stopped him from trying, numerous times. 

He's too tall and the shower is too small for them to have sex. She had spent fifteen minutes explaining this to him when he had joined her in the shower.

She's pretty sure that only made him more determined to prove her wrong.

He drops one hand from her breast to her stomach, using it to hold her back up and he's sliding back inside of her.

It takes Rey's breath away every time. The way he stretches her, how full she feels in that moment, especially with the angle. It's exquisite. 

His thrusts are shallow and slow, and it's far more intimate than anything Rey thought she would be comfortable with. But it's Ben and Rey quickly discovered that her relationship with Ben was going to destroy all of the walls that she had spent her entire childhood building.

It scared her at first, the way he could hurt her. The fact that she had let herself care enough about him that he could destroy her.. Now it's just comforting, knowing with everything in her that Ben wouldn't hurt her.

So even though Rey knows that he's going to slip back out because Ben has almost no self control when they are together and he won't be able to keep going at this pace for long. And even if he could, she knows that she'd never be able to come this way, she wraps one of her hands around his wrist, the one that's planted firmly against the tile, and moves her hips back to meet him and enjoys it. 

He groans when he falls back out, resting his forehead in the crook of her neck. 

She giggles again, turning her head to look at him while he backs up.

He looks so determined. His eyes are narrow as he glances at her and the edges of the tub, as if he's trying to determine the different ways he can have her stand and place her hands to make this work. There are water droplets dripping off of his hair and sliding down his chest. He's so absolutely beautiful that it takes her breath away.

"Maybe if you weren't laughing this would be working," Ben mutters, leaning down to kiss her.

"Yeah. It's my laughter that's causing this problem. Not your apartment having ridiculously small bathtubs," Rey points out, standing up and stretching her arms over her head. "You didn't test your shower out before signing the lease?"

"I can't say 'is my shower large enough for me and my future girlfriend to have sex in' was very high on my list of thoughts when I moved in."

Rey shrugs. "Your fault then."

Ben glares at her, but he's biting his bottom lip and Rey knows he's trying really hard not to smile.

"You could just admit that I'm right and take me to bed so you can fuck me like we both want," Rey offers, tilting her head toward his bedroom. 

She can see the corner of his bed in between the gap from the shower curtain and the wall, and she would kill in that moment to be on it with Ben above her.

"Oh no. You are not right." Ben shakes his head, spraying water on her. He leans forward, pressing his lips to her forehead. "I still have ideas on how this could work."

"Ben," she whispers, taking his hand in his. She lifts his hand up to kiss his knuckles. "Take me to bed, please."

"Okay," he agrees, just like she knew he would. "Okay sweetheart." 

***

"Move in with me?" Ben asks, his voice low and just above a whisper. He runs his fingers through her hair, grinning as Rey somehow manages to pull him closer.

Rey giggles, her breath warm across his chest where she presses her lips against him in a barely there kiss. "We already live together."

"That’s not-- I'm trying-- I mean--" Ben falters over his words, rolling onto his back. 

Wordlessly Rey follows him, adjusting herself until she's mostly laying on top of him and not the mattress. Her elbow is pointy and is pressed into his rib. It's not the most comfortable position Ben has ever been in, but Rey sighs and it's almost as if he can feel her happiness and contentment wash over him. 

He can't imagine ever wanting to move.

"Move in with me," he repeats. "And I don't mean live in the same apartment with me with a separate room and a separate bed. I want this to be our room, for this to be our bed. I don't want us to have separate anything."

Ben takes a deep breath, glancing down to meet Rey's gaze. "I love you and I just want to be with you. Stay with me?"

"Yes," Rey breathes, stretching up to kiss him. "Always."

***

"Thank you," Rey says, pulling on his hand and leading him toward their bed.

"For what?" Ben presses his lips against her neck. 

Rey tilts her head, giving Ben better access as he continued to trail kisses along her collarbone. 

"For giving me a home."


End file.
